as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
