he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we're so committed to being not committed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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