I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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