The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
