She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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