It was confusing and full of hummus
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you win again, gameday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
