I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
