i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
