guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
