Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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