I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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