dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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