the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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