the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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