I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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