I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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