i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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