can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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