i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
