I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
