dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
