ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
