How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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