when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
where does the pee come out of this thing
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
