Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
