dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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