don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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