the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
