U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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