Dude my mom stole all your condoms
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
