She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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