I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
