i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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