Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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