my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
