I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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