I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
