I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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