You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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