I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
