Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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