she pinky promised me she was 18
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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