weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
