I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
