Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
