every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
