How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
