We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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