I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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