Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
