You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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